woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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