I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We had to coat check the pizza.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
