South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
