We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
