Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
