If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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