This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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