Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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