drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
