I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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