how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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