Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
