Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
