Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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