We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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