where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can't talk, ducks in the car
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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