I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
