I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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