Ketchup is God's man juice
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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