your parents love me but you hate me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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