I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
