maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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