Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
