I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
