You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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