Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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