I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
did i walk over a car last night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
