just come out here and I will go home with you...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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