She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
