well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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