saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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