When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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