Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
