I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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