I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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