Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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