Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
