I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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