Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
