That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
