Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
