SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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