Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Are we still banned from the library?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
