Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
