My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
