they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
