If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
