You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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