Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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