so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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