Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
