so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
