ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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