I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
