Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
