If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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