our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
