He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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