why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
