Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
