Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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