By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
