Screwed.edu
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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