you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
