I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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