Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
