Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is the high leading the old right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
