She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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