Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
