You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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