I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
