biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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