He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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